Saturday: Marriage

...I understand that there are countless single mothers (and fathers) with varying situations. Please don't read these words and think that I am denying your role as your child(ren)'s mother. I cannot imagine carrying the task alone, you are strong and beautiful! And God's gift of marriage is my hope for you.

Mothering has taught me: protect marriage.


...only God's inerrant Word can define this mystery. (Seriously, I looked it up and the definitions weren't fitting.)
But I do love what Shakespeare wrote about it...
"God, the best maker of all marriages,Combine your hearts in one." -William Shakespeare, Henry V
I remember the first time I heard John Fooshee (great friend & lead pastor at Redeemer Community Church) tell us that he loved Lindsay more than his kids. 
"I would set Sterling down in his crib, look into his eyes, and say 'Sterling, your mother is more important to me, we're going to spend some time alone together.'"
Does John not love his son? Of course he does, he loves his son so much that he would tell him that he loves Lindsay more. 
Why did this strike me as unsettling, uncomfortable? Maybe it's because I live in a society where divorcing a spouse is continuously accepted, while divorcing parental relations with children are rejected.
If I think back, I can come up with countless examples of parents loving their children more than their spouse, but I have to really spend time in thought to bring to the surface any examples of the opposite.
When Finn was brand new, I was challenged to go on a date with my husband, leaving our baby behind sometime within the first two weeks of his life. 
It was hard, I worried throughout our date, but I did it. I knew that I couldn't get lost in my role as a mother and forget the unity that Steven and I share. I had established, during my pregnancy, that we wouldn't become a family when Finn arrived. We were already a family, Steven, Bear, Banjo, and me, before he was born. Finn did not create our family, he entered in to our family.
"...the greatest overall influence you will have on your children will not come in your role as an individual parent, but in your joint role as husband and wife."*
I had to remember that Steven and I had become one flesh...
"...A man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh." Genesis 2:24
What relationship on this earth is more unifying than being of the same flesh? If I love any person more than my husband then I am living out of the bent of my sinful heart and not into the perfect design of my Father.
It makes sense that on the days when I choose my role as mother over my role as wife, that I would feel unstable, anxious, weak, scared, and uncomfortable. I sometimes wonder if Finn feels it too? 
"A healthy husband-wife relationship is essential to the emotional health of children in the home. When there is harmony in the marriage, there is an infused stability within the family. A strong marriage provides a haven of security for children as they grow in the nurturing process. Healthy, loving marriages create a sense of certainty for children. When a child observes the special friendship and emotional togetherness of his parents, he is more secure simply because it isn't necessary to question the legitimacy of his parent's commitment to one another."*
I want to fight for the unity between me and Steven. I want to kiss and flirt, laugh and slap Steven's butt in front of Finn. I want Finn to proclaim "Ewwwww, sick!" when he's in third grade and Steven and I are being disgustingly smitten with one another, because I know, inside Finn's heart, he doesn't have to wonder if his parents are still in love. I want to give more to my marriage so that Finn will grow up knowing that marriage is right and true, full of chaos and struggle, yes, but saturated with the ever-present, incomparable love of a jealous God. That the promise of true marriage can survive, in a world that seeks to tear it apart, and that one day, he will know Christ in his other half, his helpmate, and God will nudge his heart: Finn,"this at last is bone of your bones, and flesh of your flesh".**
Mothering has taught me that it is more loving to serve my husband first.
Mothering has taught me that when I love Steven more than Finn our family is stable.
Mothering has taught me that I am not alone in this parenting journey, but that I get to grow in it with my best friend and partner.
Mothering has taught me that my husband and I are one flesh, and that no one will know me, complete me, like my husband, my gift.
Mothering has taught me that one day, our son will leave us and be united with a beautiful woman.
Mothering has taught me that our son is a reflection of our unity; Steven and I together in one beautiful boy.
Mothering has taught me to strive for the moments when I can look at Finn and truthfully say "I love your father more."


*Ezzo, Gary. On Becoming Baby Wise.
**Genesis 2:23


  1. This one gave me goosebumps, Allison! Austen & I talk long and hard about this, because as an Air Force family, we want our kids to have the stability of a "home" throughout the years of moving around (and that home being on land in Texas). On a date night at dinner, I was rattling off reasons I want that for our kids and Austen looked at me and said, "Forget about our kids. I want that for us." I loved your sentence, "Finn did not create our family, he entered in to our family." How beautiful and such a great reminder! Children don't suddenly make you a family, they enter into one. I love this post so much, it came straight from your heart and is so dead on. And you're also a beautiful mother to Finn, but I love seeing all of the pictures of you & Steven so deeply in love <3