Wednesday: Definition

Mothering has taught me: do not be defined by mothering.

def·i·ni·tion

[def-uh-nish-uhn] 

noun

1. the act of defining  or making definite,  distinct, or clear.

2.the formal statement of the meaning or significance of a word, phrase, idiom, etc., as found in    dictionaries.

3.the condition of being definite,  distinct, or clearly outlined.

If I said that being a mom hasn't changed me I'd be a liar. I apologize, I know I've said to various people multiple times "I'm the same person", but it's a lie. I don't feel any different, but I think what I should've been saying all along is that being a mom doesn't define who I am.

It's like this...Imagine I were a cod fisherman, or fisherwoman(?), and I loved cod. I talked about cod, dreamt cod, lived cod. Everything was cod. And then, unfortunately, cod one day disappeared. Would I be able to function without it? 

I've learned that I mistake passion for definition. I love it when people are passionate about something, and I love when I realize where my passion lies as well.

Am I passionate about being a mother? Heck yeah! It's one of my favorite things to talk about, learn about, and live out. But, I'm on a dangerous road if I let my passion for motherhood turn into my definition. Because, like the cod, passions change, fade, and are sometimes taken away.

When my role as a mother changes or when trials threaten to drastically affect my position as a mom, will I be standing on sinking sand?

I am a mother, but I'm so much more. I'm a wife, daughter, sister, wanna-be interior design expert, creator, time waster, movie fanatic, dusk lover, fantasy story enthusiast, and more recently, an early morning lap swimmer. I'm also a child of God, and when these aforementioned things fade or change, I am reminded that I can only allow this lasting truth to define me; it is my solid ground.

I have a sort of gauge that helps me measure how I'm doing in this area. If Finn is having a bad day-crying more than usual, fussy, unhappy, won't sleep-and that changes my overall demeanor...then I know I'm allowing motherhood to define me. This always works against me. When I'm living as a woman being defined by motherhood, I second-guess everything I'm doing. I question my abilities. I panic over small issues. I exhaust myself. I forget who I am and how Allison mothers and I begin trying to control things by figuring out how the "right way" to mother is lived out.

When I'm content(granted, a tad bit annoyed, who likes a whiny baby?) in who I am as a created woman of God during those days, then I can take it. I hope for Finn's attitude to get better, but I go on, knowing that the story being worked out in me is so much greater than my parenting abilities.

Mothering has taught me to continue learning who I am. What pains me and brings me joy, my weaknesses and strengths, my calling and purpose.

Mothering has taught me that I am a daughter of the King; the only definition that will always remain.

Oh, and let me not forget to mention...all of these lessons are continual, I'm being taught and re-taught every day.

Allison

Read Stephanie Nielson's Motherhood Essay winner here.

More mothering truths here.