2. formal permission or sanction.
In motherhood, I still worry about what everyone else is thinking. I guess I'd thought that delivering a baby would magically give me the perfect amount of self-assuredness to "not give a rip" (for lack of a better expression).
Last week, at the doctor's office, I was asked "Now, do you work at all (pause) other than being at home?"
I wanted to answer "No?" "Wait, what is the best answer for this scenario?" "What sounds the most appropriate to you?"
Then, it's a whole new world of fight between me and approval when topics come up like Finn's future education, diet, schedule, breastfeeding, methods of discipline, or my occupation (or lack thereof).
I have no choice but to surrender. And gladly I do, because how exhausting it is to constantly try to measure up to everybody else's expectations! ... as well as impossible.
Being a mother leaves no room for the rat race of making decisions based off of others' happiness. I am the only woman who can be Finn's mother in the special way that I am Finn's mother. Why do I live as though I'm asking outsiders "is this alright with you?"?
I'm continually being taught that it's not my burden to make being a mother look attractive to others so that they can feel comfortable with me being a 26 year old mom without a paying job.
My work is to take what God has made and shape it and use it to make HIM look great.*
There's no room in that calling for worrying about how I can change to gain social affirmation.
There will always be somebody saying "you're doing it wrong." The lesson I'm learning is...mothering, whether I'm doing it right or wrong, is being done for the glory of God, for His approval, which is constantly, graciously given.
"For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ." Galatians 1:10
*Piper, John. Don't Waste Your Life.
(Yes, I did just site a source on my blog...I told you I missed school)